By Madam Misty Merkel
The authorities came by yesterday and took my little puppy away. They said that it was not safe for my puppy to live in such a dumpy trailer. I was told that sooner or later my trailer was going to burn down especially, because I light candles all over the place. I told the authorities that the reason I light candles is to ward off evil spirits who are intent on doing harm such as, burning down my trailer.
So, now I have to live here all alone unless I can prove that I am fit to keep an animal on my premises. Now I have to eat all this dog food all alone. I bought it up really cheap in bulk at SAVE, SAVE, SAVER STORES located on front street in downtown Traverse City. It is pretty good quality food made from beef, pork, chicken and mechanically cleaned turkey. I like to eat it on crackers but my little doggie just liked to eat it plain with just a little ketchup on it.
I think the authorities are really mad at me because I am predicting a major stock market dip coming real soon. I am predicting this because three old crows recently flew by my window and that is a bad omen for stocks. The three old crows were the Merchinski sisters and they went flying by on their motorbikes to some sort of suede pride parade. I used to like suede when I was a kid but, you’re supposed to outgrow that sort of stuff when you become an adult. Grownups like leather except of course for those that don’t like animal products because they smell like grandma. My grandma liked to get out in the hot sun and pick beans all day. No one knows what happened to my grandma after she died but, at the same time she died my uncle was looking for a covering for an antique chair he had in his basement.
At any rate, when the stock market crashes that should be a really good time to buy up some futures in the Petoskey stone market. Petoskey stone futures are traded on the Chicago Board of Trade under the symbol peestone. Peestones will one day rival gold as the major commodity of exchange in international markets. Peestones are much rarer than gold since you can find gold anywhere in the world but, peestones can only be found in the area that I live in. I’m picking a lot of peestones up right now since I think my predictions might get people to invest.
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