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Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Everything was ready for the séance. I had set the candles out around and inside the boat. It took a while to light them all but, Gerrard and I finally got the candles to burn. They were cheap, probably old candles that I picked up at the dollar store. The widow Wrinklebottom only gave me $50.00 for supplies to be used during the séance to contact her late husband Frank. I bought the 2/$1.00 tapered candles but, I couldn’t get them all the same color. Some spooks are particular about having the candles match but, I figured that since Frank considered himself to be some old salty seadog that he wouldn’t be too fussy.

Gerrard set up a card table and a couple of chairs onboard the boat. Gerrard and I sat down in the chairs with the Petoskey stones on the table and candles burning all around us. The candles were not only of several different colors but, had several different scents. I figured it smelled a bit like a funeral home so I hoped a spook like Frank would feel relaxed. His body was never found so maybe he’d figure we were giving him the send off he never got and would just leave everyone in the trailer park alone.

We waited until just after the sun went down then, lo and behold who should appear but, old man Frank Wrinklebottom in person (but, not in the flesh). He was kind of a faded out apparition. After a couple of moments he started to have a little bit of color. At least I could tell what he was wearing. He had a captain’s hat on along with a plaid short-sleeved shirt and white pants. He wore laced up sneakers and white cotton socks. After 20 years I thought his clothes looked pretty clean. For a spook he was also well shaven. A lot of ghosts that live on boats like to look a bit grizzly with regards to facial hair in order to achieve that “come hither” supernatural effect. At least that’s been true since the show “Miami Vice”. Waterfront spooks all think that they’re some sort of Don Johnson.

I was starting to get a bit perturbed because Frank just stood there not saying a thing. After all the work I did setting up the séance and now Frank was going to pull some sort of mute ghost twenty question guessing game on me. Some dead people want you to guess what is bothering them and then they will answer you with a knock or moan or chill or some other stupid answer. I decided to be direct so I asked, “So Frank, now that you’ve got us here what the heck do you want? You‘d better answer me directly with real words and sentences. If you don’t speak plainly then, I‘m going to blow out your candles and then I’m going home. I‘ve had a long day and I‘ve got a class on palm reading to attend tomorrow. I‘ve already paid for the class and I won‘t get reimbursed by the government for job retraining unless I actually attend the full three hours of it.”

The ghost must have been moved by my speech because he said in a very plain voice, “I’ve come back from the grave because I want to go fishing. I need to go fishing on this boat and off the Coast of Big Manitou Island. In short, I need to catch a fish. I also need to do something else but, I forget what it is right now. I just know I’ve got to go fishing and I won’t stop haunting your trailer park until you take me.”

The old ghost of Frank Wrinklebottom seemed to be begging like a little kid. I had no choice but to agree to take him on a fishing trip the next morning. “One more thing,” the ghost said as I was blowing out the candles and getting ready to leave, “make sure my wife Marcie is on the boat with us. I really want her along to watch me catch my first fish.”

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

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