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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I BID FARE THEE WELL TO MY GARDEN GNOMES AS I HAULED THEM OUT TO THE TRASH

Boy does my back ache today.  You see  I had to take all seven of my garden gnomes out to the trash.  I had bee storing them under my trailer but the darn things kept banging around under there at night so I just decided I was going to throw them out.  I hate to do it because a couple of them were real whizzes at computer code so they fixed my computer a lot but dog gone it,

Now garden gnomes are really smart creatures and I’m sure they’ll do well when they wakeup in the local garbage dump.  I just barely hit each one of them on the head with a 2by4 so I’m sure they will feel alright when they wake up.  Besides, they were eating all the neighbors cats and the cops were coming around asking questions.   I didn’t want to take the wrap as a cat murderer.  After all, it’s better to do in someone’s kid than someone’s pet cat now days.

Another problem with garden gnomes is that the only way you can get them to stay put in your yard is to plant their feet down in some really heavy clay so they cannot move.  Otherwise, they  go  a  traipsing around at night and walk all over your flower garden.  My gnomes completely destroyed my primroses and those primroses are the only thing I had left of my great granny Merkel. My family has always been economically challenged so anything you got in your inheritance was considered to be very dear. To say that I was miffed over that incident is an understatement.  I should have taken a sledgehammer to those little beasts then but, as people say about me, I have a really kind heart and I’m soft in the head.  Well, that softness on y part is what spared those little vagabonds time and time again.

Now, tonight I am going to get some real peace and quiet when I sleep.  No more cats screaming as my gnomes consume them under the trailer.  No more visits from the cops after midnight because some neighbor lady is missing a cat.  And, maybe I can grow some primroses again.  They won’t be from my granny’s garden but, their early spring blossoms will remind me of her late night smile.  My granny tended to drink a lot in the evening and she always went to bed with a smile.

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