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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

TRAILER EATING BUGS FROM OUTER SPACE


By Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
Psychic

I just came out of a trance in which I had the worst trance-mare.  A trance-mare is just like a nightmare excerpt you have  these terrible visions of what is going to happen in the future.    I guess it was yesterday afternoon that my friend Loretta from the trailer next door came over and we broke open a couple of bottles of Mogen David.  It’s a nice sweet wine the kind that girls just love.  It’s not like that bitter stuff they brew other places that you need to add a 5 lb sack of  sugar to just to keep your eyeballs from popping out of your ears.  Besides that bitter stuff makes most girls I know a bit too regular if you know what I mean.

Anyway, as I was saying I just woke up from a terrible trance-mare.  It seems that the wine puts me in a deep trance and  chocolates give me trance-mares.  When my friend Loretta was here I opened up a box of chocolates I had left over from the holidays and we each chowed down.  After looking around a bit it looks like my friend Loretta spent the night here lying on the floor using her boots as a pillow.  She’s lucky that she’s not a psychic or else she might have had a trans-mare too.

Now as I was saying before I interrupted myself, my vision of the future was really terrible.  It seems that in just a very few months into this year there will be an invasion from outer space.  The invaders will be horrible insect creatures.  Although I really don’t know if they were insects or not.  Some people might call them bugs.  I always get the difference between bugs and insects mixed up.  I think it has to do with how many legs the darn things have.  I kind of remember from my high school algebra class that the difference between insects and bugs is that insects have six legs and bugs have seven.  Then there were pollywogs and they have eight legs; I know that for sure.     You know I’m really not sure why I failed algebra class because the teacher, Mr. Sarcasm  said that I was always setting one end of the curve that he graded on.    I always thought that if you set the curve you always got an “A”.

Now these creatures I ’vie been talking about I saw just fall out of the sky and land all over this very trailer park that I live in.  They were horrible looking things and about two feet long.  The monsters had long antae  and several legs with pinchey things on their mouths like a beetle.  I think they are called  mandolins.  In fact, that is exactly what their faces looked like, a beetle.  Of course I’m not talking about John or, Lennon or those other  guys from that MTV musical group that competed for TV airtime with the Monkeys back in the 1960’s.  I’m talking about real beetles like the ones you find in your blouse when you come back from hiking in the woods.

Finally, those scary creatures fell all over the trailer park and started eating away at the tin on the outside of our trailer houses.  These awful monster would not even slow down until every piece of tin was devoured off our homes.  Then the creatures started eating the lead pipes under the trailers and they even ate the asbestos tiles we had  on our  white ornate ceilings.    The monsters even ate our porcelain toilets and through it all we the people of this trailer community were completely helpless.  We tried spraying the creatures with water and banging on our trash cans to make noise to scare this space monsters away but nothing worked and in the end the space insects or, bugs or, whatever they were prevailed against humanity leaving us all homeless and destitute so, we all went to the bar which was made out of bricks so the space bugs could not reach us.

Then once our old trailers were consumed the space bugs started eating on our cars and they all died.  It seems the space bugs could only digest metal and since our cars are all made out of a combination of cyanide seat covers and plastic exteriors and plastic engine parts, the bugs system just could not handle such chemistry and gave out. I’ve seen the same thing happen to kids and dogs that chew on car seats .

Overall, I think the ending for the space monsters was kind of like that one in the movie where Tom Hanks  spends his whole life trying to eat only the good chocolates with the nuts in them and not the nasty cheap ones full of sugar cream.  The alien bugs got all the sugar cream so my trailer park must of got all the nuts.

         

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