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Sunday, March 9, 2014

NORTHERN MICHIGAN PSYCHIC PREDICTS MARCH ROADKILL THAW

PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN
BY PSYCHIC MYSTIC MADAM MISTY MURKY MERKEL 
Associate Writer
Humor News Nuts 

Well, I survived February with just a few bite marks on me.  Because Northern Michigan is under about six feet of snow roadkill has become hard to come by.  The horrible weather in Northern Michigan makes it impossible to keep a job in the winter (you get fired if you cant' make it to work)  so, most of us resort to eating another kind of meat as the winter winds whistle around our mobile homes.  
Personally, I prefer a diet of fermented and distilled beverages so, I'm not really interested in what the neighbors are up to.  I've got a couple of gal friends who are like minded so, everyday we walk down to the gas station and refill our pantries.  Of course, because of our dietary preferences we are never invited to any Friday night trailer park bar-b-q parties but, that's just fine for me.  I'd hate to have to come up with a dish to pass .

Now, to be fair most of the park residents who have "disappeared" this winter already had their mobile home roofs collapse in on top of them.  These residents were pretty much just frozen dinners waiting for the cats and coyotes to come around.  Still, I don't think I could eat any creature that I have known personally be it a cat, dog or old Mrs. Shetzley.   I heard her sister cured her for back-bacon but, that's just a rumor.  They are from Canada though so, back-bacon isn't out of the question.

Well, I predict that winter will be over soon and all that delicious Northern Michigan roadkill will be popping out of the snowbanks.  So, if you're coming up to Norther Michigan get up here soon and bring along lots of garbage bags.  Remember, if you want some delicious roadkill get up here as quick as possible before the crows and soup kitchens get all the good stuff.

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