By Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Psychic And News Contributor
Humor News Nuts Online Publications
There will be wild swings in the market this month. I'm talking about the gas station mini-market where I buy my wine. I predict this month that Ned, the guy who delivers the pop will get into a fight with Jack, the guy who delivers the buns. The fight will be over sharing shelf space in the front window of the store. I foresee that Ned will get in some nasty blows upon Jack but, Jack kicks like a little girl so in the end Jack will prevail. Jack will be stacking his buns on the front shelf in front of the window and Jack's showcased buns will earn him big time sales. And of course, poor Ned will have to take his pop to the back of the store which is probably better for the customers since the back of the store is where the coolers are.
I'm kind of thinking that the ice will be off most of the lakes in Northern Michigan by mid-month. I'm predicting an overall warmer spring than normal with a summer so hot you can cook an ingrown toenail if you're out in the sun for an hour. I'm only mentioning ingrown toenail because I happen to have one right now and the pain keeps my mind focused; focused on the pain I mean. I just hope my toenail problem straightens out by summer so I can paint up the old toenails before I walk around the trailer park with just my tong shoes. Nothing makes a person look less attractive than messed up toenails. A lot of couples break up once it's revealed that one of them has really ugly toenails. Certainly, no one wants to have kids with someone who would add an ugly toenail gene to their gene pool. It just wouldn't be fair to the kids. I mean would you want your kids to end up being ashamed of their own feet? So, if your getting your dates off the internet make sure you check out the feet before you meet. I mean an awful looking face you can learn to love but, those gnarly toenails are going to be slashing and stabbing you all night long for maybe thirty or forty years or until one of you leaves the relationship or kicks the bucket.
IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK - It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win, I'm being visited by a houseful of kin, They devoured all my steaks, Leaving me to eat just pancakes, And, they d...
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