By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Yesterday I asked my Petoskey stones "who is going to be the next president of the United States?" After I asked my stones the question I lit some incense I bought from a local Michigan Incense Dispensary and drank a bottle of wine while I waited for the spirits of the stones to answer my question. It took about an hour then, suddenly, I fell into a deep trance and had a vision.
Now, in my vision I pictured a large St Bernard crossing a river called the Rubicon. And, after the St. Bernard crossed this river he got into an expensive American Motors sports car called a Matador and sped up a very large, steep hill. About halfway up this hill the St. Bernard put his car on cruise control and then the big old dog started barking "Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump..." until finally, the St. Bernard swerved off the side of the road and went crashing down toward the bottom of the hill and all the while the dog was still barking "Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump...".
Then, I woke up from my trance and found myself lying on my back on top of my trailer looking up a sky full of stars. Now, all this would have been strange enough except that this little chipmunk hopped up on top of my foot and then ran all the way up my body to my nose where he stopped and looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Do you have any more of that incense? I and my friends have been watching you for the last four hours and we'd kind of like to join your party. The squirrels offered us some rotten old decomposed acorns to burn for incense but, the acorn incense just gives us headaches and make our noses run."