A saterical look at some not very good fortune tellers/psychics and, their far off and far out conjectures which only exist in their wild imaginations.
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Thursday, December 13, 2012
NORTHERN MICHIGAN TRAILER PARK LIVING
By Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
I predict that winter is going to last a really long time this year for people in the North while people in the South will have a wonderful time soaking up the sun.
You know the saying “The grass is always greener,” well believe me it is true. I received a postcard from the sisters Christie and Twisty Merkel and they are down in Miami. They said the sun is so warm and the grass is so green that a person could forget that a place like Kalamazoo Michigan even existed. Well I just threw out that postcard and I’m going to pretend I never got it. They are just really rubbing it in because I’m stuck in a trailer park way up in Northern Michigan this winter and I don’t have the money to even get to the balmy Michigan weather they are having down in Detroit. I don’t think they even have a foot of snow down in Detroit and with my finances I can only dream about getting that far south. In fact with my finances I can't even dream about turning the furnace up to 60 degrees. I have a wood stove but it's hard to maintain much of a woodlot when you live in a trailer park. I do raid the dumpsters sometimes in order to find some furniture to burn but the pickings for furniture are pretty slim. I tried burning plastic bottles that I got out of the dumpster but the fumes made me see double and my head felt like it was detaching from my body. Usually, I only have these problems on New Years Eve. Of course on New Years Day I wish my head was detached from my body that way I'd only have a headache and not the stomach and bowl problems that excess wine gives a person. I get so gassed up I feel like had spent the night at an all you can eat taco bar. .
Another irritating thing about the weather up here right now is that part of the roof on my trailer caved in. It happened to be my bedroom so this morning I woke-up with wet sheets and snow in my face. Then, when I rolled out of bed and my feet hit the floor the flow gave way under me and I ended up standing with my legs in the crawl space and the rest of me standing up in the bedroom above the floor line. I was so disgusted that I sat down on the floor behind me only to have my behind smack down to the crawl space because the entire floor in the room was too sopped with water to support me. Finally, I made my way to the hallway and was able to find some solid floor to climb up on.
I should not be surprised that my floor collapsed with all that water on it. A few years ago when I was getting out of the tub the floor gave way underneath me and I am not a heavy woman. The woman a couple of trailers down from mine was sitting on the pot once and the whole thing went right through the floor. She was a good fifty pounds heavy than myself so I could see her floor giving way underneath her but, I never thought it would happen to me. I guess it’s that cheap glue they use in that particle board that just does not hold up under water. My next floor is going to be made out of something water proof because leaking roofs and pipes are what trailer living is all about; not to mention living with the constant fear of cave-ins from both above and below.
The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.
HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.