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Monday, November 30, 2009


By Mistress Madam Misty Merkel
December will be a great month for those who are selling stuff. People have had such a rotten year and decade so they want to end it all with a celebration of gifts and parties. No one is going to be crying in their beer when they sing “Auld Lang Zein” on January the first 2010. We need to burry this decade for the ages and take a gallon of kindness to forget it forever.

I predict that congress will spend 10 billion dollars to send a delegation to Japan to find out why President Obama apparently made a bow to the emperor. Of course the congressmen, like all western politicians, will also bend over to the Emperor of Japan. Since Japan surrendered to the West after WWII, all diplomats have bowed to the Emperor. It’s not out of respect but, because the emperor likes to show off his martial arts moves by kicking all western leaders in the groin thus, making them bend over in winching pain which appears to be a bow to uneducated observers. The only problem the Emperor had was when Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher of Great Britain visited Japan. When the emperor kicked her in the groin he ended up with three broken bones in the foot. It seems Margaret Thatcher was not called the “Iron Lady” for no reason.

In December the Israeli-Iranian problem will heat up but, will not be resolved. This is just like the relationships I have had with all my married soul mates and significant others. Woe is me. I need a man for the holidays. I especially need one that is rich. I’ll be so glad when Oprah is off the air. I am so tired of competing with that rich broad.

I predict that the vampire movie will continue to be obsessed by young females in December (women under age 24). I know I’m old fashioned but, when a man bites me and beats me around I call the cops.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Well, November is going to be a weird month for most of us normal people. It is going to be cold, cold, cold in Northern Michigan and in the paraphrased words of Gordon Lightfoot, the gales of November are coming early so, get your butts off the great lakes or they'll be ringing a bell in your memory like they do the lost crew of the Edmond Fitzgerald.

Those dog gone big lakes are just plain scary. I hate to cross the Mackinaw Bridge just North of here. A few years back when our country was importing super compact cars from Yugoslavia, there was one car called the Yougo. One windy day a lady was driving over the Mackinaw bridge and a wind came up and lifted her and her car up and over the bridge. She didn't make it. My sister Twisty said that "if you buy a Yougo you go over the bridge." She meant to be funny but I remember her dumb joke every time I go up across the bridge to visit my Native American friends at their many wonderful black jack tables in the Upper Peninsula.

I'm going to predict that black jack will be the next big televised sport on TV. It really ought to be an Olympic Sport. You could compete in black jack at both the summer and winter Olympics.

I predict that the Lions football team will continue to stink but, the Detroit Red Wings will continue their march to the Stanley Cup.

The stock market will continue to be choppy during the month of November. There will not be a lot of change by the end of the month. Gold and oil will both move higher. I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to the economy. I'm just reporting what the spirits are telling me.

A lot of people will be going to the movies in November. The Jim Carey
Scrooge movie will do exceptionally well. Good job Jimmy boy. If you die young I'll make sure I have a seance to contact your spirit. I only try to contact dead celebrities I like.

The Humor News Nuts people will be publishing again. They had their offices trashed by the Men In Black (MIB). Actually, the MIB people wear black and navy blue suits so they should be called the Men In Dark Suits (MIDS). I was told that the HNN (Humor News Nuts) people are publishing too many stories about the government lying about alien activity on Earth and immoral government experiments on humans and animals. I predict that the Humor News Nuts will be hard nuts and harden their positions in November and they will not be intimidated by the Men In Dark Suits (MIDS). I further predict that if they harden their positions, a lot more people will pay attention to the nuts.

November will end with a fairly nice Turkey Day, unless of course you are a turkey. Of course there is a country in the Mideast where turkeys rule. There they must have humans as the main course on turkey day (human day.) I'm not sure humans are that good to eat but, I think the thighs would be the best meal. After all, the thighs on most people are so very plump and juicy. I wonder if human thighs are white or dark meat?

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

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