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Friday, November 6, 2015

NAPOLEON BUILT THE GREAT PYRAMIDS TO CURE HONEY HAMS

Pyramids of Mars?
  Illustrations of Earth's Pyramids are Unavailable
By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Northern Michigan’s Trailer Park Psychic

I hope everyone had a happy Halloween.  I certainly did.  In fact, I had the best Halloween I have ever had.  You see I was able to download a bunch of Halloween candy coupons and those coupons allowed me to get some great deals on all kinds of candy bars.  

Normally, I just get a sack of those little multicolored candy corns (I like to tell the kids they're my old teeth) and pass one corn out to each kid but, this year I had all kinds of good stuff so I decided not to turn my porch light on for trick-or-treaters and just keep all the candy for myself.  I figured if the little monsters want to vandalize my trailer for not giving out candy this year then, they could just go ahead and do it.  After all, there isn’t too much damage they can do to my old trailer and they certainly couldn’t do any more damage than the damage done last year when a biker gang from Grand Rapids crashed my Sweetest Day party. I mean they literally crashed their bikes through the walls of my trailer.  The damage was extensive but luckily I had a stockpile of rolled plastic and duct tape so I pretty much got the place back into shape in just a few hours.  Beyond that, there were no serious casualties on that day but the bikers did break my heart when they stole the keg.  I was counting on the keg's deposit money to take a tour of the cheese factory in Mancelona.  I'm not too crazy about the cheese but, the wine they give you to wash down the samples will put a real kink in your nose hairs if you know what I mean. 

Anyway, the trick-or-treaters didn’t bother trying to damage my trailer but, they did cover the place with toilet paper.  Now, that wasn't so bad because I was able to get out and get all the toilet paper into trash bags before it rained so, I won’t need to buy any toilet paper until at least 2025. 

Well, now that Halloween is over I'm going to make a major prediction for the end of the year.  My prediction is that a very important politician (VIP) will reveal that the great pyramids were built by Napoleon as a place to cure hams.  This VIP will assert that Napoleon knew that if he were going to conquer the world he’d need a place to cure hams to feed his army.  To be more specific, Napoleon liked to give away a delicious Christmas ham to each of his millions of soldiers and Egypt has the perfect climate to cure honey hams. Now we all know that Pyramids are the perfect shape for conducting psychic electricity but, pyramids are also the perfect shape for collecting and reflecting ham-gamma rays. Personally, I won’t buy a ham unless it is certified as being cured by ham-gamma rays because ham-gamma rays just make that ham taste oh so good. Of course, Halloween candy tastes pretty good too. 


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