DEAD PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE THEIR VOTES COUNTED

DEAD PEOPLE DO VOTE
By Mystic Psychic Madam Misty Merkel

Before the last election I was hearing a lot of complaining by politicians that in many tight races the names of dead people were showing up on ballots in many precincts. It seems that a lot of people in this country believe that dead people do not vote. Well, I for one am going to stick up for those who cannot speak for themselves. I am just sick and tired of the racist, dehumanizing attitude that many people have for the dead. Those that say that the votes of dead people should not be counted ought to just remember that someday they will be dead too.

Dead people should be allowed to vote because I think they are maybe the best informed voters. After all, they have all day and all night to do research on candidates. This is time few of us have and even those that do have such extra time usually waste it eating or sleeping or just watching TV. What is more is that dead people can go places unnoticed by the politicians or their henchmen guards. It is pretty hard to knock down and detain a spook. Dead people have no physical form to grab onto. In fact they can walk right through closed doors and get the real dope on the real dopes that are running for office. Overall, it would seem to me that only dead people can make an informed decision on how to vote.

So in fact because dead people are such well informed voters maybe we should try to make it easier for them to vote. Before each election perhaps some absentee ballots should be dropped off at all cemeteries. We could also set up some weegie boards at each place of voting.

So the next time some big blowhard political type complains about the dead voting in such and such an election, tell him he ought to be ashamed of himself for trying to disenfranchise a growing segment of our population. In fact, some scientists speculate that sometime in the year 2012 were all going to end up dead. If dead people are not allowed to vote then you would have much of an election after the year 2012. In particular if dead people are still not allowed to run for office after the year 2012.

My Jean Test Came Back Negative

 by Madam Mystic Misty Murky Merkel,

Psychic Associated Writer

Humor News Nuts of Cheboygan

It has become critical. And criminal as well.  When I rinsed out my hair dye half my hair came out with it.  I got the recipe for the dye off the internet and I am not amused.  I should have known the recipe was bogus when I added that bottle of carpet cleaner.  

Now I look like I caught mange from those squirrels I've got hanging around the bird feeder. They are really dumb squirrels too, because I haven't put anything in the bird feeder for at least seven years.  I don't think squirrels live seven years.  Maybe the squirrels remember stories their grandma told them about the nice yummy corn I'd put out there every winter. Now the legend of the winter corn is just a story told by squirrels.

A trailer park legend passed on down through many generations of squirrels.  I wonder if they'll include the part about my tom cat named Tom, who use to hide up in the tree and pounce on the little starving baby squirrels when they tried to fill their chubby little cheeks up with corn kernnels.  Who needs cable when you can see that kind of drana unfolding right outside your kitchen trailer window.