by Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Resident Psychic Contributor
Humor News Nuts Online Publications
Well, it's February and it is cold here in the far North, It’s too cold to walk to the gas station so, I'm going to have to make my own wine. The problem is that I just don't have any berries to crush. I went around the neighborhood to see if there were any berries growing and I didn't find a one. I did pick a few dead maple leaves but, I've never heard of wine made from leaves before and I can't find any recipe. Maybe leaf wine is poison. Maybe it causes brain injuries or some other disease like typhoid or malaria. I just don't know. If only I had cable news to watch I'd probably know these things.
I don't have cable news to watch because the monthly bill for cable is more then I pay for lot rent. I do occasionally have Internet service but, only when there's a full moon. We never use to have Internet but then, there was this big meteorite that crashed right in the center of our town. It had all kinds of metal things sticking out of it and nobody still knows where or what it is. Some think it's a part off the space station and it feel to earth when the space station was destroyed by aliens. So I asked this guy I know named Tim Colin and he investigates space invaders and he said the space station hasn't been destroyed, yet. However, he did say it will be destroyed in the distant future and maybe the meteorite that crashed in my trailer park was a part of that destroyed space station that had traveled back in time through some sort of time vortex. I didn't understand what Tim was talking about. It all sounded really weird to me but, I didn't have to take any science school so I wouldn't know. I'm glad I never had science because now my brain isn't cluttered with all that razz-a-ma-tazz space-time-vortex stuff. Instead, I can concentrate on stuff that matters to people on a day to day basis like predicting the future and contacting the spirit world.
Speaking of predicting the future, I have to tell you that I predict that the rest of February is going to be really cold. I also predict that ice fishing will become so popular this winter that it will be included in the next Winter Olympics. Of course I also predict that tweeting will become an event at the Olympic Summer Games. Personally, I tried tweeting but no one listened. In fact I ended up with a -300 followers. It seems that somehow I had more people "unfollow" than follow so after my first day of tweeting I quit. I still have an account but, I’m afraid to see how many “unfollows” I have now.
Finally, I want to remind everyone that February is National Trailer Park Beautification Month. Here in Michigan we have a trailer park beautification contest this month and I think if we'd just get about five more meet of snow, my park just might win.
OUTHOUSE PHILOSOPHY - As they gaze out their outhouse portal, Many people dream of being immortal, But, a firm rap on the door, And, you wish you could stay more, And, knowing you...
18 hours ago