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Sunday, June 16, 2013

PSYCHIC MYSTIC MISTY MERKEL WISHES A HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO HER DAD

FATHER'S DAY

By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Merkel

I thought I'd take a moment out of my very busy schedule to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day. I realize that because Father's Day falls on Sunday this year that he won't be reading this wish until sometime Monday, when he wakes up. My dad is a bartender and tends to do a great deal of product sampling on his Saturday night shifts. My dad then spends all day and night on Sunday recovering from his product sampling.

In talking about my dad I have to say that he is a man of many surprises. Like the time that kid showed up at the front door and told my mom that he was my dad's son. That was a surprise. The other three kids that showed up over the years at the front door claiming that my dad was their dad caught my mom off guard every time. Then, mom would take me and my sisters over to grandma and grandpa's house for a vacation. It wasn't much of a vacation since grandma and grandpa just lived four doors down the block. One time we stayed there for 2 years then, mom and dad had another wedding and we all finally came home from our vacation.

Of course my dad is also a man of great generosity. My dad paid each of the mothers of the kids that showed up at the door money to pay for raising the kids. In fact, he's still paying money to the mother of the youngest kid.

I just can't say enough about my dad on Father's day but, I'm starting to tear up now so, Happy Father's Day daddy and may you get all the things you deserve.

Sincerely,

Your daughter Misty

Saturday, June 15, 2013

IS THERE A SPACE MONKEY SPHINCTER CONTAGION?

PSYCHIC MADAM MYSTIC MISTY MERKEL

Space Monkeys

I hate to keep talking about space monkeys but recently a young man read a posting I made somewhere and said (in an indelicate way) that he had space monkeys flying out his behind. Of course I started an inquiry with my friends regarding space monkeys coming out of the behind area and low and behold many of them said (in a very indelicate way), that they had the same problem.

I became very concerned that maybe there was an epidemic starting so, I asked my gynaecologist if she knew anything about it. She said that she had read in a recent medical journal that space monkeys were flying out of some peoples sphincters and she was not sure if it was contagious or not. My doctor went on to say that scientists believe that the space monkey rectum disease is caused by an accumulation of dark matter and a gravity produced black hole-vortex occurring in the lower intestine. I do not know what my doctor was really saying since I did not get good enough grades to go to community college like she did. I had to go to beauty college and it took me 7 years to get my certificate (a couple of customer lawsuits kind of got me held back a few times).

Anyway, watch out for space monkeys. They evidently have mastered the mysteries of black holes and dark matter.

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

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