By Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
Today I had an unexpected visitor from the other side show up at my trailer door. About 3:00p.m. I heard a heavy knocking on my door. I immediately put my cloths on and went to the door. When I got to the door I opened it and in walked this tall fellow wearing a white wig and dressed up like one of those soldiers from a long time ago. I then noticed it was George Washington (he looks just like the bust of him on the quarter).
Luckily, I had just done a little tidying up around my kitchenette and washed down my dinner table. Unfortunately, the chairs were still a bit sticky from the party I had last Saturday. A lot of beer, pop and, liqueur got spilled all over. I do use hanging car air fresheners to cover up the beer garden smell in my trailer. I have a whole box of car fresheners and since the State of Michigan took away my drivers license I figure I might as well put the air fresheners to use by hanging them all over the place. Not only do they smell nice but, they decorate the place up a lot. They add a bit of ambiance to the house and fit in well with my collections of empty schnapps and brandy bottles.
Anyway, I invited George in to sit at my dinner table. George came in and sat down. So what can I help you with today Mr. President Washington?” I asked.
“Well, Madam Misty it is well known in the afterlife that you are a really great clairvoyant. You have remarkable abilities to talk to the deceased.”
“Thanks for the compliment about my abilities,” I remarked, “but, I’m not so sure about being a clairvoyant. Marty Watchman down the street likes to peep into peoples bedroom windows late at night to see what’s going on inside. He did 90 days in jail just last summer for being a habitual voyant.”
“I believe the word is voyeur,” George explained to me. “I assure you Madam Misty that I did not intend to besmirch your reputation in any possible way.”
“Well, you might as well smirch away at me,” I responded, “because I’m sure most of my neighbors smirch a lot behind my back. I think they are all jealous of my powers. Anyway George, what is on your mind?”
George gave me this real serious look and then began speaking. “I am very upset that so many people think that I have a set of wooden teeth. I never had a set of wooden teeth. Instead, I have a wooden hip replacement that I received when I was sixty-five and fell off my horse. It was wooden because plastic had not been invented yet and a steel hip would have been just too cold in the winter. I have of course come to you to see if you will correct this foul history which implies that I had poor dental hygiene.”
“I will surely do that for you Mr. President,” I said. “Could you maybe answer a few questions for me so that I can write a blog for the place I work? I’ve been kind of lazy lately and I might get canned if I don’t write something interesting pretty soon.”
“I will do my best to help you stay at your employment madam,” George replied.
I first asked George WAshinton if he was a member or the Republican or Democrat party.
He replied,"I don't really believe in political parties. Instead, I believe in pajama parties. Pajama parties are less formal and an overall much more fun group of people attend pajama parties than show up at political events."
I then decided to ask our first president a very timely and pointed question. "What do you think about the tea party?" I asked.
"Oh yes I remember the tea party," George WAshington began,"I beleive that was an insurance stunt to collect on tea dumped in Boston Harbor. You see the guy that owned the tea could not sell it so he hired a bunch of guys to dress up like indians aand dump it off the ship. Well, Franklin and some of the others put a spin on it like it was some revolutionary act. In truth, real Americans don't even drink tea. They drink coffee. Throwing tea overboard a ship was really funny. If they had thrown coffee off the ship they might have been lynched on the spot. Afterall, tea is what the British drink while they are talking with that funny accent". They also have that little pinky sticking out at the side think going. No I think coffee has always been the drink d'jour in America.
In fact, I believe that it was a little drink known as Irish Coffee that enabled us to kick some serious British behind. A little Irish Whiskey poored into American ground coffee made for a really potent drink. You have to remember that most of us were barefoot and poorly dressed for the winter. But, after a few sips of Irish Coffee we din't feel the cold anymore so we just swarmed right over the British who were all huddled together drinking their tea with their little pinkies sticking out from their cups. Of course we officers each had a shot of Russian vodka in our coffee every morning. That really got us going. When you drink a Russian coffee in the morning your day goes by really fast and the world is a nice place to be, even if you have to have your toes cut off because of frost bite."
George WAshington then got up and left my humble trailer. I suppose he had to get home to dinner or his wife Martha might have been upset. I'm glad he showed up. He was a really nice and honest man. It's too bad he's take and also dead. He is just like all the other good guys that this girl wants to meet.
OUTHOUSE PHILOSOPHY - As they gaze out their outhouse portal, Many people dream of being immortal, But, a firm rap on the door, And, you wish you could stay more, And, knowing you...
18 hours ago