By Madam Mistress Misty Merkel
I believe I have a leprechaun that lives down the street from me. His name is Mr. Mackey. He claims to just be a janitor at the hospital but, I have caught him doing things that are very leprechaunish. After watching him for several months I have concluded that Mr. Mackey has strange habits which mean he must be something other than a normal person.
One thing about Mr. Mackey is that he is a hermit. He just sits around his trailer drinking beer. He has a big beer belly and must weigh at least 300 lbs. He certainly does not fit the description of any of the other men living in this trailer park. Most of the men have beer bellies but, they don’t waste their money on food so, except for their bellies they stay really skinny I once asked him what he liked to eat and he replied that his favorite meal was corn beef and cabbage. Well, that stuff is just typical leprechaun food. I figured that with his meal of corn beef and cabbage he most likely had a salad dish of four leaf clovers.
Mr. Mackey is also only about five feet tall. Everyone knows leprechauns are really short. In addition to being abnormally short, Mr. Mackey always wears a green pair of dress pants and a green shirt with black horizontal and vertical stripes on it. He holds his pants up with a pair of green suspenders. I watch my neighbors all the time and I’ve never seen Mr. Mackay wear anything else but, his leprechaun uniform.
One time Mr. Mackay had been drinking beer outside all one Saturday afternoon. When it got dark out he got out a cassette tape player and started playing Irish gig music. He then did a river dance right in front of me. His head of red hair and long red beard were just a flopping around. He seemed to come by the dance quite naturally. As big as he was he was a very graceful dancer. I almost asked him over for a cocktail but, I was afraid that when he sat down he might devastate one of my kitchen chairs I didn’t want him to know that I had such cheap chairs. I guess that they are made out of something called “fiberboard”.
Finally, I know that Mr. Mackay must be a leprechaun because all leprechauns have a pot of gold. It took me a while to find his pot of gold but, finally I spied it out at the back end of his trailer. It was disguised as a port-a-potty. I figured that inside of it he must have been keeping his stash of gold. I have been tempted to lift the lid but, I am not quite that nosey. My neighbor Maxine however, is the nosiest person in this whole trailer park. She did sneak to the back of Mr. Mackey’s trailer when he was working. She told me later that the pot was full but, not with gold. She never did tell me exactly what she saw in Mr. Mackey’s port-a-potty.
For now, I and my leprechaun neighbor are just neighbors but, who knows. Maybe we will become friends someday and maybe someday we might be more than friends. Maybe I’ll get better chairs and invite Mr. Mackey over for a corn been and cabbage dinner. Maybe after I’ve filled him up with a big meal he’ll share his pot of gold with me.
OUTHOUSE PHILOSOPHY - As they gaze out their outhouse portal, Many people dream of being immortal, But, a firm rap on the door, And, you wish you could stay more, And, knowing you...
18 hours ago