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Well, 2017 is here and I predict it will be a year to forget for many of us. However, 2017 will be a tale of two lifestyles. It will be a year of great misery, cruelty and insufferable poverty. It will be a year of great gains in wealth, income, and unimaginable fame. Of course I'm talking about the annual rhubarb pie eating contest held on the river ice in February. The winner of the contest gets a brand new pie pan, a roll of old copper pennies and winner also gets their picture posted on the trailer park office door. The losers all get pushed into the river. Of course the runner up wins the option of wearing a life jacket when they go in the drink. Problem for the runner up is that the life jacket doesn't give you much help if you wash down the river two miles while under the ice.
Many of you might be thinking that it might be dangerous for the loser participants in the pie eating contest and that many of those contestants might wash down river and never be found. Of course, it is dangerous to wash down river in the winter but, every contestant has always been recovered. The sheriff uses dogs and usually finds the contestants in the spring right after the ice melts off.
Besides my prediction of the rhubarb pie eating contest (I also think little Joe Mutter will win again this year) the financial markets will be unimaginably volatile most of the year. Personally, I've been hording acorns to get me through the rough times ahead. Acorns are a great commodity to hold and trade. There is always a ready market in acorns since squirrels are usually willing to trade dried birdfeeder corn for acorns and acorns are useful for baking. Acorns also make excellent ammo for hunting with a slingshot. My late husband and I went bear hunting once with acorns luckily, I got away. My late husband ended up in a pile of bear scat. One bit of luck that came from that hunt was that I saved a ton of money on final expenses and got some really great fertilizer for around my lilac bushes. Now, every time the lilacs bloom in the spring I remember my late husband. Sort of romantic isn’t it.
My last bit of information is a warning: watch out for natives of the planet Pluto. They want to move to earth where it’s warmer and by the end of this year they will control most governments on earth. They will also control most candy bar vending machines. Personally, the Pluto invaders can have the governments but, they’re inviting a revolt if they raise the prices in our candy bar vending machines. Just so the invaders from Pluto know, I have a friend on mars.