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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

HUMOR NEWS NUTS PSYCHIC DOES FEBRUARY

By Psychic Madam Misty Merkel
Well February is here and it’s going to be cold. You don’t need to be a good psychic to predict that February is going to be cold because even if the month is 20 degrees warmer than normal February is still colder than the corpses of those guys that appear on our money.

Anyways, while it has been getting as cold as my ex-husbands heart, there has been some really trouble brewing just down the street from me. It involves the tales of unrequited love times two. I say times two because this love square (that’s right I said square as in involving four people), involves the Dibble twins who happen to live in this trailer park in identical trailers located right across the street from each other, a handsome man and his true love.

The Dibble twin sisters are not really twins since one is short and stocky and the other one is tall and skinny. So, they’re not really twins by appearance but, they were born at the same time. Quite frankly I would not be surprised if they each had different fathers if that is possible at all.

Well, the long and the short of my story is that the Dibble girls fell in love with the same fellow. You see there is this guy named Mario who lives in this trailer park in a nice wide trailer. Mario is unmarried and unemployed. He does get unemployment compensation and does jobs like shoveling snow in the neighborhood in order to make a few bucks. The twins both went wild watching Mario bend over while shoveling snow and each of the twins started to hire Mario to do odd jobs around their respective trailers. The twins even started baking for Mario and then fixing full course meals. Each of the twins thought that they had won Mario’s heart because Mario was a nice gentleman who was always polite. In fact, Mario was just nice to everyone, even me. I didn’t think anything about how nice Mario was to me because I knew something about Mario that the twins did not. I was of course happy to keep this information to myself while the Dibble sisters were constantly scheming to win Mario’s heart.

Everything changed one day when the trailer of the tall skinny Dibble twin had a trailer fire which destroyed her home and most of her possessions. The short Dibble twin felt sorry for her sister so she set aside their rivalry for Mario’s affections and offered the tall twin a place to stay. But, to the short sister’s surprise, the tall twin turned down the offer of a place to stay because Mario had already offered her a place to stay in his large and well kept trailer.

Finally, the tall sister moved into Mario’s but, he was not even the least bit interested in her when it came to romance. It seems Mario just wanted the tall sister to move in with him because she was such a good cook. It didn’t take long for the Dibble sister to realize that Mario did not like women. Instead, he liked older ladies as in ladies over the age of eighty. Mario and the Dibble sisters are only about forty. It seems Mario’s mother passed away when he was very young and ever since then he’s been looking for a lady that was born about the time his mother was born. The tall Dibble sister was forced to cook and clean up after Mario and his elderly girlfriend. It was like a rent she had to pay in order to have a roof over her head and the other Dibble sister was not about ready to let the ungrateful tall sister move in with her after being so coldly turned down before.

Well, this story had quite a twist in it. It reminds me of this fifty year old guy I used to date when I was about twenty. I broke it off with him when one day he told me that he dated me because I reminded him of his daughter. You know I had wondered why he always held my head over his shoulder and patted my back whenever we slow danced. I think he was trying to burp me like I was his kid.

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

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