By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
The Trailer Park Psychic
Happy Halloween to all my fans out there. I know both of you will be up late tonight celebrating with all the candy you neglected to hand out to the kiddies. Maybe a porch light and a jack-o-lantern on your front stoop might let the trick-or-treaters know they're welcomed at your trailer door. Of course, sticking glow-in-the-dark "Beware of Dog" and "I Shoot First" signs on your screen door certainly does not encourage parents to send their little 8 year old up to your trailer. And, all week long you guys bragged about all the candy you were buying for Halloween yet, you seem to misunderstand the concept of sharing that candy with the kids that take the time to dress up in costumes and share a bit of their childhood with a couple of grumpy old candy-pigs like you. I'm a bit disgusted but, I'll get over it. Especially, if you breakdown and share your candy hoard with me.
My prediction for Halloween is that it will be a successful night of candy gathering if you dress up like a zombie. Vampires won't fare so well this year and witches might as well stay home. If you're wearing a princes costume the kids dressed like werewolves will mug you and steal all of your candy so, you might as well stay home too. Because of the high price of bacon pig costumes are discouraged this year. Just a note, animal costumes went out in the 1950's so don't expect anything but dirty looks from homeowners if you're so square that you're wearing animal attire. A lot of people today just don't like it when you make fun of animals by dressing up in costumes that portray critters as cartoon characters.
Finally, I do hope that everyone has a safe and productive Halloween. Personally, When I was a kid I never took candy from strangers. Instead, I always asked for money. Now days you can even ask for a credit card if you have the right cell phone app.
Mystic Madam Misty Merkel