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Thursday, October 31, 2013


By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
The Trailer Park Psychic

Happy Halloween to all my fans out there.  I know both of you will be up late tonight celebrating with all the candy you neglected to hand out to the kiddies.  Maybe a porch light and a jack-o-lantern on your front stoop might let the trick-or-treaters know they're welcomed at your trailer door.  Of course, sticking glow-in-the-dark  "Beware of Dog"  and "I Shoot First" signs on your screen door certainly does not  encourage parents to send their little 8 year old up to your trailer.   And, all week long you guys bragged about all the candy you were buying for Halloween yet, you seem to misunderstand the concept of sharing that candy with the kids that take the time to dress up in costumes and share a bit of their childhood with a couple of grumpy old candy-pigs like you.  I'm a bit disgusted but, I'll get over it.  Especially, if you breakdown and share your candy hoard with me.  

My prediction for Halloween is that it will be a successful night of candy gathering if you dress up like a zombie.  Vampires won't fare so well this year and witches might as well stay home.  If you're wearing a princes costume the kids dressed like werewolves will mug you and steal all of your candy so, you might as well stay home too.  Because of the high price of bacon pig costumes are discouraged this year.   Just a note, animal costumes went out in the 1950's so don't expect anything but dirty looks from homeowners if you're so square that you're wearing animal attire.   A lot of people today just don't like it when you make fun of animals by dressing up in costumes that portray critters as cartoon characters.

Finally, I do hope that everyone has a safe and productive Halloween.  Personally, When I was a kid I never took candy from strangers.  Instead, I always asked for money.  Now days you can even ask for a credit card if you have the right cell phone app.

Mystic Madam Misty Merkel

Wednesday, October 2, 2013


Predictions For October
by Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
Psychic Humor News Nuts Associate Writer

He's back.  The former manager of my trailer park was released from prison and now he's back managing the park.  I had hoped he would not be hired back but, since his dad owns the park the former park boss was instantly reinstated to his former position.

Now, the first thing this guy does after getting out of prison is stuff a note in everyone's mailbox instructing us to pay him our lot rent in change.  It seems he believes that the new currency that the government issues has fibers woven into it that affect his brain waves.  I always heard that it was his parents experiments with chemicals back in the 70's that caused our park manager to exhibit strange behavior.  I guess what I heard must be wrong.

Of course the reason our trailer park manager went to prison in the first place was because of his hatred of the government.  It seems he became really upset that wherever there was some highway construction going on the government would put out safety cones to direct people where to drive.  My park manager of course didn't like the government telling him where he could drive his pickup so he set about stealing safety cones from every highway construction site in Northern Michigan.  After several accidents, the state police became very interested in finding the safety-cone thief and since my trailer park manager had thousands of cones stacked in his yard, he was very  easy to find.

Now, a lot of you might think that people would be leaving my trailer park with the greatest of haste however, the lot rent in my park is only $55 per month and that is the cheapest rent in all of Northern Michigan.  I just wish that there was garbage pickup but, there are two empty lots on the backside of the park where we all dump our garbage.  The lots are near a river so they flood every spring and that's why they remain empty of trailers.  The good thing about the flooding is that every spring when those lots flood the rapid high waters wash all the garbage down river so, the lots are then cleared off for another year of garbage dumping by the trailer park residents.   It is like an annual toilet flush and it's just one of those ways that a community can come together to have a recycling program for mother earth.   It makes everyone in the trailer park feel that we are doing our job as custodians of the environment

Well, now that October has begun I predict the leaves will soon start to change colors.  I also predict that the new flu virus shots will cause people with natural red hair to become constipated at least three times during this month and by the way, the stock market falls with the temperatures.

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

Tim Colin
HNS Senior Executive Editor-In-Chief

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