By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
The Trailer Park Psychic
Associate Contributor Writer
Humor News Nuts Online Publications
The world is about to end, and everyone in the trailer park is bugging me because their relatives are coming back to tell them of the horrors to come.
Meanwhile, the bathroom floor around my toilet has caved in again. The floor boards are so cheap in this trailer, you only have to have the toilet overflow a couple of times and the whole floor gives way. Of course, my friend Giant Jean was taking a big dump at the time, and her 400 lb personage, probably did not help. I hope I don't get sued over her whiplash.
Most neighbors have given up on maintaining indoor toilets, and pooled their resources to dig and build three communal outdoor toilets, located in strategic locations around the park. Of course, we have trees and bushes for those who just have to take a tinkle. Doing more than a tinkle behind the trees and bushes is frowned upon.
I contacted a scientific advisor from the Humor News Nuts people named Dr. Ima Emma Lyer. PhD. regarding the strange change in my petoskey stones. As you know, I have a psychic link with my stones, and that link has resulted in some very accurate predictions. Normally, my stones are a grayish to brown color. Recently, both stones have turned bright blue.
I asked Dr. Lyer what was wrong with my stones.
Dr. Lyer responded, "As you may not know, petoskey stones are actually fossilized brain cells from a giant brain that exploded over Northern Michigan hundreds of millions of years ago. They have been used as healing charms and psychic connections to the past, present and future. Sometimes these alien brain cells can be used as a medium to connect with the dead."
"I already know all that stuff, Doctor, but what about their color change? Why have my stones gone blue all of a sudden?"
"I'm afraid I have bad news for you Madam Misty," Doctor Lyer began. "You see your blue bones..."
"Stones, " I interrupted, "I never do bones, only stones."
Dr. Lyer continued, "stones, are signaling that the earth is going to have some dire event take place."
"What sort of dire event?", I asked.
In short, if there's another world or alternate universe you can move to, you had best make plans now for your escape. I'd tell you more, but I need to ask you for $500.00 to continue."
That was the end of my conversation with Dr. Imma Emma Lyer, Scientific advisor, Humor News Nuts Online Publications.
