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Monday, June 13, 2011

STOCK MARKET WILL GO UP BY END OF SUMMER

By Mystic Madam Misty Merkel

Some newscasters are saying that the stock market has been dipping lately. Well have no fear. I just got done with my crystal ball survey and 2 out of 3 of my crystal balls say that the stock market will recover quite a bit by the end of the summer.

Now a lot of people have written me saying that my crystal balls are cracked and that they can’t predict anything correctly. I do admit that all three of my crystal balls have a major crack in it and most of the content leaked out of each one. One had Coke or Pepsi in it (I can’t tell the difference), another crystal ball had soapy water in and the third had rice wine. The snow flakes in the third crystal ball were really little pieces of rice. I didn’t mind drinking the soda pop but the only way I was able to drink the soapy water was after I sample the rice wine dry. I even ate the little pieces of rice.

I guess that what I’m trying to get at is that because all my cracked crystal balls are cracked then using what I know about statistical stuff, they should give an even opinion. Of course the reason the one crystal ball said there will be no recovery is not something I really understand. I think it was the ball that soapy water in it that predicted that the stock market will remain low. Maybe the ball is just as bitter in it’s predictions as it was when it had soapy water content.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

SPIRITS SAY THE STOCK MARKET IS MAKING LIKE A SUBMARINE AND WILL DIVE, DIVE DIVE!!!

Members of the Council of the Dead (the political arm of those that have passed) came to visit me today. They (the COD) said I should sell all my stocks because the stock market is going to make like a submarine and dive, dive, dive. They said the economy is weak and getting weaker because of silly politicians. They said it had something to do with a debt ceiling. I wish I had a debt ceiling but my debts have long ago gone through any ceiling.

As soon as the council members left I got busy getting rid of my stockings. I guess that’s what they were talking about. It’s hard to understand those in the spiritual world since mostly they just grunt, groan and tap out their messages on pipes and such. Well anyway, I found two pair of stockings but only one stocking did not have a big hole in it.

So, I put a sign out by my driveway which had “Stocks for Sale” written on it. I pup my stockings out on the table but did not sell a single stock. I did sell the card table that the stocks were on for $15.00 so I guess the spirits advice was not so bad after all. I still have my stockings but I also have $15.00. I don’t have a card table anymore but one of the legs on it was broke and underneath I had it duct taped together. I didn’t disclose the duct tape to the buyer. I just hope that the Securities and Exchange people don’t come after me for stock fraud. Maybe I could have sold my stockings if I had washed them first. They certainly don't smell very fresh right now.

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

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