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Saturday, April 19, 2014


by Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel 
Resident Psychic
Assistant Associate Part-Time Contributor
Humor News Nuts 

I am so excited.  As I predicted, April has seen much better weather than in previous months.  The snow is nearly gone and I am now ready to show my neighbors how much I have improved in my social ranking.  I am now poised to become part of the upper-lower class in my trailer park .  I have paid my dues all these years, living in my low-rent trailer park and now I am ready to strut my stuff.

You see, I am ready to add to the landscape of my front yard a nice white porcelain toilet into which I will plant some long stem purple petunias.  I will be the absolute envy of section D in my trailer park.

I am of course very proud of my beautiful white porcelain temple.  I have a couple of neighbors who have toilets in their yards however, their toilets are retro-70's colors like that freaky mauve color and baby blue.  Having colored toilets in your front yard is really a sign of not having a taste for the classical aesthetic beauty of white porcelain.

Some of you envious souls out there are probably thinking that I must have torn the toilet out of my own trailer or, perhaps I stole it out of someones cabin but, on both counts you'd be wrong.  I am proud of the way I acquired my petunia pot.  For you see, unlike most people my toilet was not just given to me.  I didn't inherit it from grandma and grandpa or any aunt or uncle.  I earned my toilet.  I gave someone a free willow-witch session where I found them a whole pond full of water just beneath the soil where they wanted to dig a basement.  The couple didn't have any cash to give me so they gave me this old toilet they had found in a ditch.  The toilet was all stained and dirty but, with a little elbow-grease I had it shined up just like new.

I can hardly wait to get some petunias in my toilet so, I can show off my new prominent social status.  My white porcelain piece of art with it's double crown of petunias will be a real welcoming site for anyone coming to visit, be they living or be they dead.  My good friend President Nixon has already told me that a potty in the front yard will make many passed-on politicians feel like they're on the campaign trail again.  

Now, all I have to do is get some petunias.  I'll probably just dig a few up here and there at the gas station down the street.   They always plant their front in mixed colored petunias and they won't worry about a couple of  purple ones missing here and there.  Besides, I buy a bottle of wine there everyday so, I think they'll not mind at all.

Soon, my white porcelain potty will runneth over with long stemmed, royal purple petunias and I will feel just as rich as a Wall Street Ponzi-man.  My next project will be to get a couple of giant truck tires for my backyard and fill them full of purple begonias.  Who knows, if my yard becomes eye-candy for the neighborhood maybe I'll start a part-time landscaping business for the summer.

"The Potty Painting" by the famous artist Rantbean Von Beep.

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

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HNS Senior Executive Editor-In-Chief

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