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Thursday, January 14, 2010

2010 PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS

By Madam Mystic Merkel
2010 will be a year of fantastic upheaval. A lot of people will loose a lot more money in the stock and real estate markets. People will be starving around the globe and I’m going to buy a new wardrobe. You see I used my psychic abilities to hit the jackpot at the casino. I won $29,000 so I’m going to be living well for the next couple of years.

I am also changing my byline from Misty Merkel to Mystic Merkel. I have a couple of cousins named Misty Merkel who live in Flint Michigan. They are mad because people keep calling them up in the middle of the night for psychic advice. People always want to decide if they should move out on their significant other in the middle of the night. It seems that after they have been at the bar all night and come home in the early hours of the morning, that’s when people want to make significant life changing decisions.

People should be more like my parents. When my dad would come home after a late night of playing pool, my mom would lock him out of the house so he had to go and try to sleep on a kids swing set. He always fell out of it and ended up lying on the ground all night but, my parents never split up because my dad came home late from the bar. Now my ex-husbands I couldn’t lock out of the house because they never came home from the bar. At least they never came home to my house.

2010 is the year of the tiger in China. I predict that a lot of Americans will move to places like China next year in order to better themselves and raise their standard of living. A lot of Americans now have degrees in engineering so; they will be able to work on running all the new trains china is building. America does not need engineers anymore because it does not take too much math ability to figure out how to put a hamburger, taco, or pizza together.

Furthermore, in regards to jobs in America, more jobs that require good language skills will be exported to India. In fact, most Americans will almost completely loose the ability to communicate verbally. The only two words most Americans will be using by the end of the year 2010 are “huh?” and, “whatever”.

Politics will be really nasty in 2010. Nightly commentary shows will pounce on anyone who has any kind of opinion that is contrary to the opinion of the host/moderator. I think I’ll get all my news from the Home Shopping Network. They seem to have honest reporters who give people the kind of information that people really care about. It is important to know how many carrots are in a 24 carrot cubic zirconium diamond ring. Furthermore, people in America don’t want to go and vote at some polling place. We’d rather vote with our pocket books (credit cards).

In 2010 there will be a lot of movies made. There will also be a lot of fights over how content providers on TV should be compensated. I think they should be compensated the same way that internet content providers are compensated. If no one buys anything during the program then the network would make no money. The only people who watch TV ads are either comatose in a nursing home or, people who find the ads to be more entertaining than the programming itself. Maybe they should set up a channel that just has advertising on it. It certainly would have more viewers than the network news shows. Maybe the Home Shopping Network would fall into category of a station that only carries advertising.

I have to admit now that I lied. 2010 will not be a year of fantastic upheaval. I just said that to get your attention. I write a blog on the internet. What kind of integrity do you think I have? Overall, 2010 should be a boring year so those who want excitement should make their own excitement. Get out and meet people in your community. Volunteer to work at a library or homeless shelter. Pick up cans and bottles and give the money to charities. You could also use the can and bottle money to go to the casino. Maybe you’ll win $29,000 playing those one armed bandit machines. ’

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

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