Resident Psychic
Assistant Associate Part-Time Contributor
Humor News Nuts
I am so excited. As I predicted, April has seen much better weather than in previous months. The snow is nearly gone and I am now ready to show my neighbors how much I have improved in my social ranking. I am now poised to become part of the upper-lower class in my trailer park . I have paid my dues all these years, living in my low-rent trailer park and now I am ready to strut my stuff.
You see, I am ready to add to the landscape of my front yard a nice white porcelain toilet into which I will plant some long stem purple petunias. I will be the absolute envy of section D in my trailer park.
I am of course very proud of my beautiful white porcelain temple. I have a couple of neighbors who have toilets in their yards however, their toilets are retro-70's colors like that freaky mauve color and baby blue. Having colored toilets in your front yard is really a sign of not having a taste for the classical aesthetic beauty of white porcelain.
Some of you envious souls out there are probably thinking that I must have torn the toilet out of my own trailer or, perhaps I stole it out of someones cabin but, on both counts you'd be wrong. I am proud of the way I acquired my petunia pot. For you see, unlike most people my toilet was not just given to me. I didn't inherit it from grandma and grandpa or any aunt or uncle. I earned my toilet. I gave someone a free willow-witch session where I found them a whole pond full of water just beneath the soil where they wanted to dig a basement. The couple didn't have any cash to give me so they gave me this old toilet they had found in a ditch. The toilet was all stained and dirty but, with a little elbow-grease I had it shined up just like new.
I can hardly wait to get some petunias in my toilet so, I can show off my new prominent social status. My white porcelain piece of art with it's double crown of petunias will be a real welcoming site for anyone coming to visit, be they living or be they dead. My good friend President Nixon has already told me that a potty in the front yard will make many passed-on politicians feel like they're on the campaign trail again.
Now, all I have to do is get some petunias. I'll probably just dig a few up here and there at the gas station down the street. They always plant their front in mixed colored petunias and they won't worry about a couple of purple ones missing here and there. Besides, I buy a bottle of wine there everyday so, I think they'll not mind at all.
Soon, my white porcelain potty will runneth over with long stemmed, royal purple petunias and I will feel just as rich as a Wall Street Ponzi-man. My next project will be to get a couple of giant truck tires for my backyard and fill them full of purple begonias. Who knows, if my yard becomes eye-candy for the neighborhood maybe I'll start a part-time landscaping business for the summer.
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| "The Potty Painting" by the famous artist Rantbean Von Beep. |
