PSYCHIC MYSTIC MADAM MISTY MERKEL PREDICTS AUGUST IS IN THE TOILET

PSYCHIC MYSTIC MADAM MISTY MERKEL
Resident Psychic
HNS Publications

I know it's August and summer for the most part is on it's last legs.  It's chilly in the mornings in Northern Michigan and summer squash leaves have a tinge of yellow in them.  I don't raise summer squash but my neighbor Barb does.  She brought me over some squash blossoms and told me to fry them.  She said that squash blossoms are delicious.  I never eat fried foods because then I've got a pan to wash so I just put the squash blossoms in the microwave.  Well, the blossoms pretty much disappeared.  It seems squash blossoms are all water and a microwave really evaporates water out of stuff.  I still told Bard the blossoms were delicious.  You don't want to tick-off your neighbors in a trailer park because most of them are heavily armed and the ones with the most guns are unemployed, drink heavily and raise squash just  to get some squash blossoms to fry.

I predict that August will be a relatively nasty month.  It will turn really cold suddenly and a lot of woodland animals looking for a winter home will be trying to gnaw a way into your trailer.   I already have some gnaw marks on my trailer.
 Chipmunks are especially prone to trailer gnawing.  What's really bad about chipmunks is that once they've gnawed into your trailer they immediately look for a toilet to take a swim in.  Chipmunks are notorious toilet swimmers.  If you catch them in the daytime swimming in your toilet you can just give them a nice flush out to the septic tank  where your former pet goldfish, guppies, turtles and hamsters reside.  However, if you happen to sit on the toilet at night without turning on the light and checking the toilet contents then you might be in for a  surprise.   I find the surprise to be offensive but, some might enjoy it.  It all depends on your point of view.

Well, enough with the toilet talk.  I have to get on with my predicting since that's what I'm paid to do.  So, my final prediction for August is that the U.S. Department of Agriculture will approve foot fungus as a natural food preservative for hot dogs.  This makes a lot of sense since most hot dogs are made up of powdered toenails and other foot related growths and excretions.