By Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Psychic Extraordinaire
Temporary Part-time Associate Contributing Writer
Humor News Nuts Online Publications
The weather in my Michigan trailer park has been awful. The snow is taller than my trailer. I had to dig a tunnel out to the road, so I could go get some wine to help me go into my morning trance. Spirits often visit me while I'm in that mode. Of course, the weather is so fowl that even my good friend President Nixon has not visited me for quite some time. Henry Kissinger is President Nixon's new roommate and I've been wondering how that is working out. President Nixon has remarked in the past that Henry is very slovenly, and I know the President likes a neat and well kept household. Those two are a real "odd couple" to share an apartment together.
Getting back to the weather, it's been snowy, but also terribly cold. Several days in a row, the temperature was way below 0° Fahrenheit.
I am predicting March to warm up nice and fast with mushrooms popping up by April. Yeah!
I'm going to turn to my least favorite thing to predict, elections. I have to try because so many people are anxious about 2026. I'm only going to make my prediction once and after that, I will not make any more election predictions this year. That said, after careful consultation with many spirits, demons, angels, fairies, witches, sea monsters, Martians, dragons, dire wolves, diarrhea, my Petoskey stones, and my two crystal balls (the little ball and the big ball with the crack), I got nothing. My prediction for the 2025 U.S. election is blank, and I will stand by that prediction. Now, I am done with it.
In economic news, the spirit world has been telling me to pick out any Canadian coins from my loose change, because they have become extremely valuable, relative to another type of money. I am of course not a financial person, so I don't understand the reasoning of the spirit world, regarding Canadian coins.
In sports, the Lions will play football this year. The Tigers will play baseball and the Pistons will play basketball. The Detroit Slappy Balls professional tether ball team will go undefeated for the entire tether ball season. Too bad tether ball is not an Olympic sport; more gold for us.
In general news, I predict politics will have ups and downs all month. I'm not allowed to comment on ongoing conflicts, and I don't want to anyway. I will mention some people are talking about demons showing up to cause trouble. I don't know how much trouble they can cause. I once dated a demon, and except for the bad teeth, he was o.k. Of course, I didn't know he was a demon at the time, although I should have expected it because he kept taking me on dates through portals that led into other universes. I was never impressed. The food in those other universes is really bland. The ambiance was ridiculous, with retro-70's psychedelic lighting, and get this, every dance floor had a strobe light.😒. The only music they played was "Do The Hustle". Don't get me wrong, for disco music it's a nice tune, but you'd think the DJ would mix it up a bit. Play it backwards, or speed it up real fast, or slow it down. Whatever.
Overall, demon dating is overrated. As far as warriors, demons will win every single disco dance contest, both in the categories of endurance marathon, and style. But, when it comes to fighting a war, demons would be a no show on the battlefield, because they would be busy clothes shopping, so they can be styling at the disco.
I guess that's it today. It's time for me to take a nap.
MMMMM
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