Psychic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
The Northern Michigan Trailer Park Psychic
Part-time Associate Contributing Writer
Humor News Nuts Online Publications
I was just sitting in my trailer during a severe winter storm, when suddenly there was a knocking on my door. Hard to think of anyone being out in this weather, but I opened the door, and there stood Jimmy Thirty-five toes, looking up at me with forlorn big blue eyes. He was almost crying and couldn't quite get out a word.
Jimmy Thirty-five toes is usually, cheerful with a wide smile that showed off the few teeth he still had left in his jaw bones. Jimmy Thirty-five toes was happy and very rich. He became rich using his celebrity of having a total of thirty-five toes. There was an entire summer festival in Northern Michigan built around Jimmy Thirty-five toes, including a parade where Jimmy was of course, always the grand marshal and rode on the front float.
Not only was Jimmy Thirty-five Toes rich and famous, but much of the areas economy was built upon the annual festival with carnival rides, vendors, beer tent and polka dance, all boosting the local incomes.
Anyway, Jimmy was pounding on my door at night, during the worst winter storm to hit the region in thirty-five years. "What's the problem, Jimmy?", I asked.
" It's terrible Madam Misty. I was out cutting wood for my woodstove all day today. I'm going to have a party tomorrow, you're invited, by the way. As I was saying, I'm cutting wood for my party, my party celebrating my turning thirty-five, when I noticed some of my toes had gone numb. Now I'm feeling dread. Maybe they got froze. And, if they were froze they'll have to be cut off, then Jimmy Thirty-five toes would be no more."
"But, you would still have some toes. Many more little bulges than the average man."
"Yeah, but no one will want to see Jimmy Twenty Seven Toes, or Jimmy nine-teen Toes. Not after all these decades of celebrating the man with thirty-five toes. My parade will be gone. My only source of income will be gone, and everyone around here will hate me, because their money will be gone, and they won't be able to feed their kids."
"So, what do we do?" I asked.
"I'm thinking we need to get to the emergency room pronto, so that maybe they can still save my toes", said Jimmy.
I responded, " sounds great, but I don't have a vehicle or a driver's licence."
"That's ok Madam Misty," replied Jimmy, "I don't have a licence either, but I do have a four-wheel drive pickup that should get us there, even tonight. I just need you to ride along as my navigator, so I don't hit something, or take a wrong turn when we drive through a white-out".
" Ok, lets go," I said.
Soon we were barreling town the nearest highway, heading to Mancelona Memorial Hospital. Their motto is "We Will Treat Your Loved Ones, And Turn Them Into Memories".
So far, I was proud of Jimmy's driving. He was clearly worked up over the prospect of losing some toes, but he kept his head cool, watching the icy road, and not traveling more than 35 MPH. Finally, Jimmy whipped into the emergency entrance area of the hospital, and several.people came running out to see what was happening. Jimmy was soon inside the hospital, and taken to an operating room, where unfortunately, they had to remove 10 of Jimmy's toes. Luckily, they were small toes, and the hospital had some prosthetic ones lying in a drawer. Within an hour of Jimmy losing his original toes, he had replacement toes screwed into place.
I promised Jimmy that his replacement toes would be our secret, so that Jimmy could continue his Northern Michigan celebrity status.
As a momentum of our friendship, Jimmy had his dead toes mounted on a bracelet, and he gave that bracelet to me. I thanked Jimmy for the wonderful gift, and promised him that I would wear his toes everywhere I go.
