By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Associate Assistant Contributer
Humor News Nuts Online Publications
Hey loyal fans and those who linked to this blog by mistake, I am Madam Merkel, Northern Michigan’s trusted trailer park psychic
and polisher of petoskey stones.
I am ready to give you my predictions for this
month. First of all, I predict that this
next month will be hot for this time of year.
So, you may want to keep a stash of ice on hand. You see because school
is starting right about now all those home schooled kids will be firing up
their computers to play power hungry video games all day which will drain the
power grid and cause it to crash several times. And, on these really hot days the home schooled kids will be demanding some ice cold fruit flavored
drinks to drink while they wait for the grid to power up again. Hence, and I love using the word “hence”, you’ll need a stash of ice to
cool off the kids’ drinks and for the ice pack you'll need for your parenting related headache.
You know kids today are so lucky that they can
stay home and play video games. They can
even learn a trade from their parents.
Most of the people in my trailer park are chemists and it’s nice their
children can be home to learn that trade and take part in the family business.
That is if the parents can pry their kids away from gaming.
Now, back when I was young I had to go to school
all day. It was so boring. There was always someone there asking
questions and telling us kids we had to read something or do some math
problems. And math, whoever uses it once
you’re out of school? I’ve never done any
math for any job I ever had and I certainly don’t need any math to do my psychic
predictions. No calculations needed in
my line of work. I just pull my psychic
predictions out of thin air.
Now, in addition to my prediction that it is
going to be a very warm month I is also predicting that there will be a new
amendment to the Michigan State Constitution making it legal to go troll
hunting year around without a license.
This amendment is intended to stop the spread of trolls in Michigan. Michigan trolls are greatly irritating
people all over the state with their smug online attacks and their dastardly
sneaking around behind closed doors to invade our privacy. In many instances they will post our privacy
online. Well, shame on those trolls.
Personally, I know I’m being plagued by trolls
both online and in my trailer. Not long
after I lay down to sleep last night I heard something rustling around in my
bedroom. I turned on the light but,
didn’t see any sign of an intruder. I
did notice that something seemed to be making whiny noises under my bed so I
reached under it expecting to pull out a cat, rat, bat or some other critter
but instead, something bit me. I think
it might have been a troll because so many people are having all sorts of troll
problems but, mostly the troll problems occur online and not in their bedrooms.
Of course, there are several types of trolls
online including recipe trolls, political trolls and credit card number
trolls. Now, the trolls I just mentioned
are pretty irritating but, the worst ones are the grammar and spelling trolls.
Now you may be shocked to find out that I don't have any formal education much. I know that my lack of education must be a shock because you're probably saying that the way Madam Merkel thinks and writes makes her seem like someone who should be teaching English at the college level. Well, I am flattered by how you must be thinking however, I do have a couple of problems with
spelling and grammar and those nasty trolls are always pointing out all of my
grammar and spelling mistakes. I think those trolls are just trying to make me feel bad because I
didn't graduate from high school but, I did graduate Sigmund Corn Loudie from
the school of Hard Knucks. How many
people can say that?
Anyway, all I can say is watch out trolls. I’m a mystic not a statistic. I got friends on the other side and I don’t
just mean the ones in jail. I’m talking
about the ones on the other side of the grave; the departed, the deceased, the
spirits of the dead. I might not be able
to find your hiding spots but the spirts can.
And, don’t forget, my spirit friends only grow more powerful as
Halloween approaches and right now Halloween is just a couple of months away.
Meantime, I’m going to take a broom handle and
start poking away under my bed and I’ll bet you that the troll living under
there is going to be pretty sore by time I get through.
