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Friday, January 2, 2015

MADAM MYSTIC MISTY MURKY MERKEL PREDICTS TURBULENT TIMES IN 2015

by Madam Mystic Misty (Murky) Merkel
Associate Commentator
Humor News Nuts Publications

It's 2015 and time again for my predictions for the entire year.  Overall, I see turbulent times ahead.  I see trailer houses spinning around in major tornadic vortexes.  I predict roof cave-ins caused by snow and landslides caused by leaking toilet seals.  I further predict dire hurricanes and tropical storms so powerful that palm trees will be ripped up and transplanted to Canada and Bigfoot monsters will be whisked away from Canada and will end up picking pineapples on the big Island of Hawaii.  A few of the better looking and more mannerly Bigfoots will work as living beach towels at Waikiki. 

I also see volcanoes, snowstorms and sinkholes in Florida.  I see giant alligators in Lake Michigan attacking submarines.  I see aliens from space kissing women and spreading cold sores.  I see chickens and ducks mating and creating a new super fowl race called chucks. 

These chucks will build super robots and the super robots will build super computers and the super computers will build super printing machines and these super printing machines will print trillions of fake manufacturers’ coupons.  These counterfeit coupons will flood big box stores and cause a financial panic that will cause the stock market to plummet and all the governments of the world will be completely broke.  Banks will fail, companies will fail, crops will fail, tires will fail, my diet will fail and all matter of good things that we took for granted in 2014 will disappear from reality.  The Lions winning season, the end of the world party at CMU, free peanuts night at the Pervusville Bar and Laundromat ; all these good things will be lost forever unless...Sorry but my crystal ball just went blank and my backup crystal ball got broke during a pretty wild neighborhood New Year’s Eve party.  I could try to go into a trance but, that requires me to drink a couple of bottles of wine and with my hangover from the New Year’s Eve party I don’t think I could keep down a single sip of wine.  So, I guess we'll all just have to wait and see what the future holds.  It's probably best that way.  After all, “the only thing we have to fear is if we know too much information.”  I think President Nixon said that or, was it President Clinton?   Anyway, until next time think happy thoughts and good luck in 2015.

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