BEWARE THE LEPRECHAUNS OF MARCH

BY MYSTIC PSYCHIC MADMAN MISTY MERKEL

Well, February was a month of surprises. Take those two space rocks that almost destroyed the earth. I bet you didn't see them coming. I certainly didn't and I'm supposed to be a world famous psychic. Of course the reality is that planet earth was under attack by a nasty space monkey trying to get revenge for some past problem he had with Cape Canaveral. All I have to say is "get over your problem space monkey". A grudge is something for losers. If you really want to get even with someone you need to get a gypsy to put a curse on them. Believe me a gypsy curse is very effective. I've had several of them placed on me and I haven't been able to break any of them yet.

The weather in March is going to be cold and nasty. Of course the first day of spring will be here on St. Patrick's Day. I won't be drinking any green beer this year because when I do my skin turns green (that's one of those gypsy curses I was talking about).

March of course, is when you have to watch out for leprechauns. It's a myth that leprechauns are actually dangerous. They will bite and scratch if you get them in a corner but most of the time they are just nasty little practical jokers. One thing they like to do is offer to make coffee for you. Now you might think they are going to add some of their best whisky to the coffee to make it "Irish" style. But, what they will do is add laxative to the coffee and then after you've downed about a half a pot the leprechaun will insist on going for a long drive way out in the boonies. Of course once you're way out ten miles from any toilet well, that's when the laxative really kicks in. I tell you what, I'm not falling for that again this year. After I drink the leprechauns coffee I'm not leaving my trailer. I'm gong to have the last laugh this year.