THE WINNER OF THE 2024 ELECTION IS ?

Madam Psychic Mystic Merkel

Associate Contributor,

Humor News Nuts Online Publications

People keep bothering me about "when is the world going to end?", and " who will will the 2024 presidential election in the America.  Well, I still have contrasting results for the end of the world question.  My 2 Petoskey stones say one thing, but my 2 crystal balls say something else. One of my balls is cracked, so that might be the problem. It's hard to get a steady stream and function with a cracked ball.

With regard to who will be sitting as President of the USA a year from now, I have literally received an answer from beyond the grave. 

In 2016, I predicted that Trump would be President, but only after I died, was reincarnated as an amoeba, had dog pee on me, and was resurrected by a rodent.

This year I did not feel like going through any of that.  Luckily I won't have to.

Last evening, I received a knock on my door.  I answered it and found a disturbing looking man, I would describe as right out of the grave and one of the walking dead. 

He smelled like he had not changed his underpants in the last 30 days, which was not unusual for people living in my trailer park, however he did have an eyeball that kept falling out, and he had to keep stuffing it into place. 

"Are you Madam Merkel?" the old sod asked.

"That would be me", I said.

" I have a message from beyond the grave regarding the US. presidential election", said the smelly dude.  "Trump will assume to be president by this time next year."

"So,that's that," I said to smelly guy.  I was not going to invite him into my trailer because he smelled, Was dressed in decaying clothes, and reminded me too much of my 4th husband.  So, I gave him a piece of cheese and sent him on his way.  I guess the next presidency is settled, unless that guy was just one of those hobos who live homeless down by the river, eating garbage flowing past.

At least now I can put political stuff behind me, and can concentrate on if the world is going to end soon. A trip to the gas station for some wine, may answer that question.