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Wednesday, September 22, 2010


By Madam Misty Merkel
My neighbor Becky was beating on my door at about 7 o’clock in the morning. I quickly poured some Irish into my coffee before I opened the door. I can’t start the day without a wee drop of whiskey. I’m not really Irish but, I love that tradition. “What do you want?” I asked when I flung open the door.

“Madam Misty I have a real problem,” little Becky said while the streamed down her face. She seemed especially small that morning. Of course she was standing at the bottom of the steps that led up to my door. Well, after she explained that she had seen the eyes of some demon in her trailer I agreed to wait with her that night and help her exorcise or exercise or do something with the little red eyed freak. I personally thought maybe Becky had fallen off the wagon again and was drinking that wine that comes in boxes. Some of it has a pretty good kick to it but, it’s not very sweet.

I arrived at Becky’s trailer just before dark. I wanted to make sure we surprised the ghost or demon so we hid in Becky’s bedroom. Becky invited me to sit on the bed but, all the strings of green moldy cheese and dried up pepperoni and tomato sauce on her bed spread made me feel like I needed a bucket throw up in. I could not sit down. Unfortunately, while waiting for the red eyed devil to show up I chance to further look around Becky’s small bedroom. The dresser was covered with the sticky residue of spilled drinks and greasy makeup. The floor had something really sticky on it too because every time I tried to lift my foot I had to fight to keep my shoe on.

As filthy as the place looked inside it smelled much worse. I have never smelled a public toilet that gagged me as much as Becky’s trailer. My uncle’s septic tank smells like a florist shop compared to Becky’s place. Becky certainly lived in one really disgusting dump. At least I knew that if I ever missed getting my garbage out some week I could just take it down to Becky’s place. She already had several sacks piled up in her hallway. I doubt she would notice a couple of more. Although, she might notice that my bags were not leaking a putrefied meat/vegetable sauce all over the floor.

I was beginning to think that maybe Becky should just move out of the trailer and leave it to the red eyed beastie. After all, at least it was cleaning things up a bit. Suddenly, we heard something scurrying around out in the main room. As we intently listened with out ears against the bedroom door, we heard what amounted to an army of little feet running all over the floor; each foot as it was raised made a sound like it was sticking to the linoleum floor.

I motioned to Becky to grab something. For some reason she had a corn broom in her bedroom. It was brand new and had never been used. I had a flashlight with me and I told Becky that on the count of three we would throw open the bedroom door and shine a light on whatever was out there. Becky was a little apprehensive about opening the door but, I reminded her that she had a long broom to defend herself and besides, if anything rushed at us I would slam the door shut.

Finally, Becky took a deep breath and nodded her head to me which I took to mean she was ready. I whispered to her that “On the count of three I’m opening the door. One, two, and three…” I flung open the door and drew my flashlight forward so it shown directly into the room. Becky stood behind me with her broom; the straw end of the broom was pointed up toward the ceiling. Immediately we saw that the place was full of rats. Becky let out a loud, shrieking scream. I didn’t scream because I had already had my shock for the night when I saw the disgusting filth throughout Becky’s trailer.

The horrific scream Becky let out made the rats scatter. In fact they scattered right out of her trailer and ran throughout the trailer park. After that night, there were rats all over the place. The rats gnawed through the floors of every trailer in the park. They were so common place that many children thought that they had been given new puppies to play with. The Red Cross set up a tent in the park to give out rabies shots to all the people who were bitten by the little monsters. The entire trailer park was furious at Becky and they told her she needed to solve the rat problem that she had created. Becky agreed that she would solve the problem and she said that it would not be long until all the rats would disappear.

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The opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the Psychic and not those of the Humor News Nuts organization.

HNS has a long tradition of associating with persons who have thought processes that are unusual and even weird. We pride ourselves in our diversity of persons with mental irregularities. This diversity allows us to cover stories that no other news organization will investigate let alone, ever put in print.

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