NORTHERN MICHIGAN TRAILER PARK PSYCHIC PREDICTS
2016
By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Well, it's 2016 and it's time for my
predictions. But, before I give you my
predictions I just want to thank all of my loyal followers for their support
and I predict, continued support over the coming year. I would also like to take this time to announce
that I am considering a run for President of the United States. I'm thinking about running as a Republican
since the Democrats seem to have their nomination pretty well sewn up while the
Republicans seem to have a wide open field and, the Socialists and Communists
don't appear to have interesting websites so; I guess that means I have to run
as a Republican.
Now, before I can even declare myself a candidate
I have to create an Exploratory Committee to do some exploring. Luckily, there were three homeless guys
camping out at the neighborhood dump and they were willing to join my committee
for just a couple of peanut butter sandwiches.
So, I gave them each a couple of peanut butter sandwiches and after they
ate them down they asked for some milk to clear their mouths of the sticky
peanut butter. I then had to give each
of them a glass of milk before they went off into the woods to do some
exploring.
Anyway, three days later I realized that my Exploratory
Committee was not going to return. I
figured they either just took off after I paid them with milk and peanut butter
or the bears got them. I recently heard
that a couple of bears from Grand Rapids were living in an old cabin in the
woods and since bears are partial to peanut butter and my Exploratory Committee
was full of peanut butter, it just be that the bears smelled the peanut butter
on the breaths of my committee members, invited my committee back to the bear's
cabin and then devoured my committee after plying them with a couple of beers.
In any case, peanut butter and milk are expensive
and I'm going to have to get a few donations before I can hire another Exploratory
Committee. I should also go into a
trance and contact the spirt world for guidance on my decision to run or
not.
It would be kind of fun to be President. I'd get to drink lots of wine while traveling
the world meeting strange and exotic men (and women) and best of all, I'd get
to stay at a motel with a bathroom instead of living out of a car while
traveling, with a coffee can in the backseat for a toilet. I had this friend one time that climbed into
the backseat and used a cardboard oatmeal box for a toilet. That did not work nearly as well as a coffee
can. I was just glad that it was her
car.
Well, getting back to predictions, I predict that
prices will fall on most stuff in 2016.
Investments should do well with record highs and bottle returns will be
brisk at your local supermarkets.
The world will warm up by another degree next
year and 2016 will be remembered as “The Year of the Termite” because termites
will be infesting and destroying all types of wood east of the Mississippi
River. In fact, the fear generated by
termites will cause the two top grossing movies of 2016 to be “Killer Termite
Zombies” and “Termitenado.” The movie “Vampire
Termites” will do very poorly at the box office and the very worst movie of
2016 will be “Termites in Love.” I guess vampires aren’t as popular as zombies anymore
and nobody cares about the watching gross bugs making more gross bugs. In fact, anyone who wants to go see “Termites
in Love” is probably someone that I’d want to stay away from.
I also predict that someone with an X chromosome
will become president of the United States.
I’m not sure if that person will be a human or some other creature or
maybe, an alien from another world or someone or something from the distant
future or recent past. There’s a real
buzz in the spirit world about the next president being from an alternate
universe called Woxfens. Of course, it’s
been my experience as a professional psychic that spirits are often wrong. I tend to rely on crystal balls and petoskey
stones to predict the future and so far both the balls and stones are coming up
blank. I’ve been drinking down bottle
after bottle of wine while staring into the crystal balls and Petoskey stones
but, I’ve been unable to go into a trance and see what is going to happen
in the November election.
I guess the
election is just too far off for anyone or anything to make an accurate
prediction as to how it will turn out and of course, yours truly might even end
up getting the title of President of the United States. I just need to find a donor who is willing to
sell a kidney or some other vial organ so that that he or she can finance my
election. I’d donate one of my own
kidneys but my doctor told me I’d have to give up drinking wine for a while
before they’d let me become a donor.
Well, that’s not going to happen. I'd have to give up being a psychic if I give up drinking wine. It's the wine that lets me go into a trance. Without the wine I'd just sit there looking into my crystal balls and petoskey stones without a single thought going on in my brain.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
PSYMMMMM
