By Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel
Junior Associate Part-time Contributor
PSYCHIC NEWS NUTS
A Division of HUMOR NEWS NUTS
Founded by Sir Richard Humor, Professor Richard News and Dr. Richard Nuts
Hello blog readers. Last week I was shocked when I answered the door and found two people dressed in dark suits, and wearing round lens mirrored sunglasses. One was very tall. The other very short. It became immediately apparent that the short one was in charge. He said, "we're coming in, ". Then he shoved me aside and walked past me into my trailer and he and his tall companion sat down on my couch. The cat had just peed on the couch and I didn't have a chance to clean it up. Oops!
The little one then said, " I'm Boris and this is Natasha. Those are not our real names, but we are from a highly secret part of the government and we have to use code names. We already have a code name picked out for you.".
"And what would that be?" I asked.
The little one, I mean Boris, smirked at me and said,"You are Madam Butterfly".
I didn't know what to say, so I answered, "o.k.". I had no idea what was going on so I just outright asked them," What's up?".
Natasha suddenly sprang to life by exclaiming,"boy you are in for it now Madam Butterfly, if that is your real name".
"It's not my real name," I replied, "you guys just gave it to me".
"Shut up Natasha," Boris said sternly. "Madam Butterfly, it has come to our attention that you recently sent in a blood and urine sample to have have genealogy looked up. By the way, they didn't need the urine sample."
"I just sent it in to be sure," I responded. It cost me $30.00 for the test and a lot of weeks I don't make $30.00 in the psychic business. I just wanted to make sure I got what I paid for."
Boris continued, "when the DNA testing company got the results, well the results were shocking."
"I'm Jewish," I exclaimed. You know I expected as much because I do love kosher wine."
"No, you are definitely not Jewish, " Boris replied.
"Then I must be Dutch Reformed", I surmised. "Aren't they the ones that have the big bells? I love really big bells."
"You're definitely not Dutch Reformed either," Boris exclaimed in a loud voice, " in fact you not only have no DNA that matches any known form of life on this planet, but you don't even have DNA." No one knows how your kind replicate. In short Madam Butterfly, we don't know who you really are or what you are. You are an alien being not from this world, maybe you're not even from this universe."
Then silence filled the room. It was like my guests were allowing some big shock to sink into my brain, but I was only thinking that it was about time for some nice kosher wine. It was after 9:00 a.m. Time to start to party in the trailer park.
To be continued next month.
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