MADAM MYSTIC MISTY MURKY MERKEL ON "HOW I CAME TO BE"

by Madam Mystic Misty (Murky) Merkel

Associate Psychic Correspondent

Humor News Nuts Online Publications

Well, it's another month and I have to predict that the weather will be hot and dry.  There will be some movies released but, all but a couple will be flops.

And, speaking of flops, my sisters came up to visit me recently and we had some catching up to do.   As most people know my sisters were born at the same time that I was and, I don't mean we were born a few hours apart or even minutes apart.  Instead, we all three came out at the exact same time.  I guess that's kind of rare except in cases where the parents are close relatives.   My parents are only shirttail cousins so; the aforementioned close-relatives case did not apply. 

Now, as far as names are concerned my parents had no idea what to name us girls until after we were born.  Then, as the story goes that my dad always told, dad took a look at each one of us and named us after whatever descriptive word popped into his brain and since my dad loved limericks he decided to rhyme all three names.  The first one he named was my sister Christie.  He named here Christie because she looked like his first girlfriend Christie Margot. 

Well, with the first of us being named Christie I and my unnamed sister would have to have names that rhymed with Christy.  So, as my dad told us he looked at me and saw that my eyes were a milky-blue like they had mist over them so, that's why he named me Misty.  Then, he saw my as yet unnamed sister and noticed that she was kind of all jumbled up.  It seems her arms were down where her legs should be and her legs were up where her arms should be and her head was stuck-up in a place that I'm not going to mention in this blog because she'd never forgive me.   Anyway, my dad noticed how twisted up she was so he named her Twisty.

Now, although poor little Twisty was born with things not being quite in the right place, being that she was a newborn baby her skin and bones were still very pliable and the midwife who delivered us was some sort of Rubik's Cube champion and she immediately went to work on Christy, moving her little limbs and head around into all sorts of contorted ways until Christy looked just like a normal little girl.   

So, all three of us were born healthy little kids with a neat story to tell as to how each of us was named by our father.  However, I have to say that dad’s story turned out to be a big lie; at least it was a big lie in my case.  For several years later when I was applying for my driver’s license and needed my birth certificate I noticed that on the birth certificate my first name was not Misty but instead, was Murky.   That's right; my real name is Murky Merkel.  I was of course extremely depressed.  My father had abandoned our family to make another one when I and my sisters were just eight years old so I couldn't feel any more anger at my dad for naming Murky then I had for him for leaving our family to begin a new, "better family" as he tells all of his relatives.

I did find out from my dad's dad why I was named Murky.  Evidently my dad took one look at me and said that I was a "sullen, uninspiring little girl that had no pizzazz."  And, that's why they call me Murky although; I still go by Misty to the public.  I figure that for seventeen years I went my Misty and everyone knew me by that name that I should still be able to use it.  Misty may not be the name on my drives license but, the photo on my driver’s license doesn’t look much like me either.  In fact, if you looked at that photo you'd probably think that the person in the photo looked like a Murky Merkel.  A photo ID never shows much "pizzazz."   

MICHIGAN PSYCHIC MISTY (MURKY) MERKEL GOES FOR A SPIN IN SPACE

by Psychic Mystic Madam Misty(Murky) Merkel

Associate Contributor

Psychic News Nuts

A Division of Humor News Nuts Publications

I'm finally back home again.  I've been out of it for the last few days but, now I'm back on Earth again.  You see a couple of days ago this horrific tornado rolled through my trailer park lifting up every single trailer from its tie-downs.  Now, the thing about Michigan tornados is that they are not very wide and don't spin very fast but, they stretch way up into the sky all the way to outer-space. 

So anyway, this tornado comes right through the trailer park and picks up every single trailer and spins them all the way up to the space station.  My trailer even smacked into the space station and I lost an old TV antenna.  It din’s work anyway but, it's going to take more than a couple of spacewalks to repair the damage the antenna did to the station.

I know a lot of people are probably asking how anyone could survive in space in an old trailer but you know what, these old trailers are pretty air tight.  I did have to close off the vent on my wood-stove but, once the vent was closed I was relatively safe from the vacuum of space.

The constant spinning was a bit annoying but, it did create an artificial gravity field so that kept me from floating all over the place. 

I count myself as being lucky because I had an emergency stock of Jimmy's Hard Mud Cider to drink.  The cider helped to steady the ride and made the touchdown of my trailer back on planet earth feel as gentle as a snowmobile falling off a cliff into a snowbank.

I’m not sure if I hit my head or if it was the hard cider but, I slept on the floor for a couple of days.  When I looked outside I found that I had landed in the exact spot that my trailer had been sitting before the tornado.  What luck.  I just hope my old trailer didn’t mess up the International Space Station too much.

I don’t have a lot of predictions for this month.  My head is still spinning from my ride up into outer space.  I do think that there will be a close encounter with a comet somewhere in this solar system.  I also predict warm weather in the tropics and as almost always, Northern Michigan will be cold.