APRIL PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS

Psychic Mystic Madam Misty Murky Merkel

Associate Contributor 

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April Fool's Day has been relatively uneventful here in my trailer park.  A couple of gunshots and the police and ambulance that came racing into here today are the only interesting events to happen.  Of course, someone is always getting shot, stabbed, bludgeoned and/or arrested in my trailer park.  A social scientist once made of study of the park to see why this particular trailer park had some many brutal crimes committed in it.  The social scientist concluded that the violent crime rate was high here because the lot rent is too cheap.  The scientist said that because we were only paying $60 a month for lot rent that a lot of non-working violent criminal types occupied most of the lots.   The scientist said that other trailer parks had much less violent crime because the people in them paid $200+ per month for a lot.  Now, when the park manager heard this he immediately raised the lot rent up to $200 per month.  That resulted in the manager getting beat up and then, the manager dropped the lot rent back down to $60 per month.  Evidently, that over educated social scientist did not understand the following economic law of supply and demand:  No matter what the supply is, if you charge too much you're going to get your greedy butt kicked.  This economic law is especially true if you're dealing with mostly violent criminal types.

Anyway, I predict that April will be a good month for commodities.  Butter will be something people should stock up on because May is going to be a big month for deep-fat fried butter.  Oh, is that so good!  I think I'll fry some butter as soon as I'm done with this column.  You know it might be a good idea to stock up on plastic baskets to drop into the deep fat fryer.  I usually go through four or five plastic baskets every time I make deep fat fried butter.  

I also predict for April a real increase in government deportations.  Now, even though I was born in Kalamazoo Michigan I've been picked up and deported 14 times.  I was deported twice to Mexico, twice to Canada, once to New Zealand and nine times to Ohio.  The funny thing is is that I got back to Michigan really easy from all my destinations except for Ohio.  The machine gunner nests and landmine fields down along the Michigan-Ohio border are really had to navigate through.  The last time I crossed that border I thought I got nicked by a bullet and lost part of my left ear but luckily, it was just an earring that got shot out but, boy did it hurt.  I'm just glad it was a clip-on and came off real easy.  Still, it hurt a lot.