By Mistress Madam Misty Merkel
I do not usually listen to the news. I am a psychic so why should I listen to the news when I can just predict what’s going to happen. However, today I woke up and my TV was still on since last night. I have a rural electric coop electric service so; I predict that my bill this month is going to be horrible. Anyway, the TV said that former Vice President Al Gore was predicting that the world is getting warmer.
I couldn't’ believe what I was hearing. When did the President fire Al Gore? I thought the President and Vice President were getting along really well. The Vice President must be as devastated as Conan O’Brian after loosing such a good paying gig. That’s why I don’t work out anymore. I got tired of being canned. The stress of being led out of the building by security is just too much to bear. Especially, when they put those handcuffs on you just because, you’re yelling and kicking a bit. I don’t feel too sorry for our former Vice President. They keep extending unemployment benefits so he can live pretty well for a long time before he has to make a living busing tables of slinging drinks.
Being a barmaid was one of the ways I paid for Beauty College. My advice to Mr. Gore is that if he wants to get good tips he should wear something tight fitting. Another tip is that if he sees someone with a five dollar bill in their hand he should always give them a little wink. And, it doesn’t matter whether the person is a guy or a gal. After all, a five dollar tip is a five dollar tip. It might pay for the former Vice President to go to trade school or something.
Computer repair is a really popular trade now days. My cousin Steve does computer repair and makes $7.00 per hour. That’s only fifty cents less than the minimum wage in this state. Of course he gets paid under the table and doesn’t have to pay taxes or anything so, that makes it o.k. My cousin Steve says that paying taxes is being a real Smoe. I don’t know what a Smoe is but, it rhymes with Moe and he was one of the three stooges and they were really dumb although, Moe was the brightest one of the three. Of course that’s just my opinion.
I conclude my predictions about global warming by saying I definitely believe it is happening. I looked outside today and my thermometer says the temperature is at least ten degrees warmer today than it was just a week ago. I predict that the temperature outside will be several degrees warmer in just a few more months. I guess between predicting things like, it’s getting warmer outside and, slinging drinks, the former Vice President and I have a lot in common.
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