THE PSYCHIC MISTY MERKEL DOES NOT TWEET

By Madam Misty Merkel
I am not going to be sending out my important predictions dealing with the future of humanity via a “tweet”. For one thing, I have enough trouble making a phone call with those little numbers and letters on my cell phone. Every single month I find on my bill a call that I accidentally made to places like Cuba, Peru or, Brazil. I don’t know people in any of those types of countries and even if I did, I can’t speak anything except American.

Another problem I have with tweeting is that you can only use like about 150 words on your tweet. Well, I’m sorry but, I am an educated woman. I went to Beauty College for six months of my life. I have a vocabulary of at least 300-400 words. My friend Wilma has a pet rooster that knows 600 words. Limiting the number of words you can use to communicate sounds to me like some sort of plot to dumb down planet earth. I don’t need my crystal ball to figure out that beings from another world are trying to make us all stupid. (I had a brand new crystal ball but, I broke it lawn bowling at a party last week.)

Well, it’s going to take more than tweeting and watching reality TV to make this a planet full of stupids. We all know down here on earth how to deal with space invaders. We all learn at an early age that sometimes you have to shoot through your own protective bunkers to blast all the space aliens before they land. As long as we have video games to play and keep our minds sharp and our laser cannon skills upgraded as we progress, we will persevere.