by Madam Mystic Misty (Murky) Merkel
Associate Writer
Humor News Nuts Publications
Well, it's December and the holidays are upon
us. My family always celebrated
Christmas although we didn't know much about it except kids were supposed to
get presents Christmas morning and on Christmas day there was always some sort
of Christmas dinner; usually canned ham along with some potatoes and
beans.
Dinner wasn't what the kids looked forward to but
instead; it was opening of the presents that Santa had brought us the night
before. Back then I used to get good
stuff but, now I just get a lump of coal each year. I won't go into the reasons I just get a lump
of coal but, pretty much everyone I associate with only gets a lump of coal
from Santa each year. It seems that either
Santa’s standard for whom gets presents is really high or I and people I
associate with have standards that are really low.
One good thing about just getting a lump of coal
in my stocking is that I can just leave my stocking on the outside doorknob
because no one is going to bother stealing a lump of coal. Otherwise, if Santa had to climb down my
stovepipe I would have to not start a fire in my wood-stove and that would lead
to disaster. Now, I could probably keep personally
warm with just a space heater and some extra blankets but, trying to keep my
plastic pipes running to the sink and toilet from freezing and breaking would
be quite a trick. No one living in a
trailer in Northern Michigan can go long without their wood-stove unless of
course they are rich enough to afford kerosene for a kerosene heater.
Now, when I was a kid Santa always brought my
sisters and me a broken candy cane and a coloring book along with a single box
of crayons for all of us. I asked my dad
why the candy canes were always broken and why Santa only brought us a single
box of crayons. My dad replied that
because the stovepipe was so narrow that Santa broke the candy canes on the way
down. My dad also said that Santa
brought us girls just a single box of crayons because Santa wanted us to learn
how to share. Of course, whatever Santa
did was o.k. by us kids and we did learn to share the crayons. We just broke each crayon into three parts
and we each got our own set of crayons that way.
